Gail Schmalfeldt talks about her first time
Gail: My first time getting buttfucked by Billy was
in a trailer outside Elkridge Maryland.
Interviewer: Wasn’t it a little cramped?
Gail: No. Billy's cock is as mushy as a puddingblob,
so he just used a shoehorn and stuffed it right in!
Interviewer: I see. You must tell me all about it.
Gail: I never really expected Billy to want to
buttfuck me, but then after he saw me in that
Cub Scout uniform, he figured "What the hell?"
Interviewer: A Cub Scout uniform? Isn’t that a
little pedo?
Gail: Billy's always been fixated on anal sex
with boys. I guess a woman can get used to anything.
Interviewer: Go on.
Gail: We were drunk off our asses on Ripple, ginger
ale and soda—that’s called an Anal Evacuator—at the
time. And Billy said I looked better than a PayPal
whore with a $100 donation.
Interviewer: Anal in the trailer with Billy. How
interesting. Well, how was it?
Gail: The shoehorn was great but Bill pissed up my
butt when it was time for him to come.
Interviewer: Did you ever try it again?
Gail: Sure. Lots of times. But not in the trailer.
Between Bill and his shit, the flies were too much
to bear.
Interviewer: We meant the Ripple.
Gail: Oh, yeah, I always get sloshed before I let
Bill near my pootyhole. You don’t think I could put
up with all his Parky shit sober do you?
Ripple, like all liquor, was made to mix you up.
It's a light, 48-proof, refreshing spirit, just
mild enough to make you drink too much before you
know you're schnockered. For your first time, mix
it with orange juice. Or maybe some white wine.
Then you won't remember anything the next morning.
Ripple. The mixable that smarts. Just take it from
Gail Schmalfeldt.
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